Ableism

Hello Dear readers, and welcome or welcome back to my blog today I want to talk about ableism, What ableism is, what it looks like, what we can do to recognize it and avert ableism within our own lives so with that being said lets dive in with the definition of ableism. 

a-ble-ism

/'abe,lizem/

noun

discrimination in favor of able-bodied people. 

As social justice, equity, and inclusion permeate our collective consciousness, it's essential for advocates to remember another 'ism,' one that is frequently left out of conversations.

Ableism.

The world wasn't built with people with disabilities in mind, and because of that, the world we live in is inherently "ableist."

What is Ableism?

Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are 'superior.' At it's heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that disabled people require 'fixing' and defines people by their disability. Like racism and sexism, ableism classifies entire groups of people as 'less than.' and includes harmful stereotypes, misconceptions, and generalizations of people with disabilities. 

What does Ableism look like?

Ableism can take many forms including but not limited to: 

*Lack of compliance with disability rights laws like the ADA

*Segregating students with disabilities into separate schools 

*The use of restraint or seclusion as a means of controlling students with disabilities 

*Segregating adults and children with disabilities in institutions 

*Failing to incorporate accessibility into building design plans

*Buildings without braille on signs, elevator buttons, etc. 

*The assumption that people with disabilities want or need to be 'fixed'

*Using disability as a punchline, or mocking people with disabilities 

*Refusing to provide responsible accommodations 

But...what about 'everyday' or minor ableism? what does that look like? 

*Choosing an inaccessible venue for a meeting or event, therefore excluding some participants

*Using someone else's mobility device as a hand or foot rest

*Framing disability as either tragic or inspirational in news stories, movies and other popular forms of media.

*Casting a non-disabled actor to play a disabled character in a play, movie, TV show or commercial

*Making a movie that doesn't have audio description or closed captioning 

*Using the accessible bathroom stall (I am sooo guilty) when you are able to use the non-accessible stall without pain or risk of injury

*Wearing scented products in a scent-free environment

*Talking to a person with a disability like they are a child, talking about them instead of directly to them, or Speaking for them

*Asking invasive questions about the medical history or personal life of someone with a disability 

*Assuming people have to have a visible disability to actually be disabled 

*Questioning if someone is 'actually' disabled, or 'how much' they are disabled

*Asking, "How did you become disabled"

What are ableist micro-aggressions?

Micro-aggressions are everyday verbal or behavioral expressions that communicate a negative slight or insult in relation to someone's gender identity, race, sex, disability, etc. 

Examples include, but of course are not limited to: 

*"That's so lame"

*"You are so retarded"

*"That guy is crazy!"

*"You're acting so bi-polar right now"

*(my personal favorite)" Are you off your meds?"

*"It's like the blind leading the blind"

*"My ideas fell on deaf ears"

*"She's such a psycho"

*"I'm like, super OCD about how I clean my apartment"

*"Can I pray for you?"

*"I'll pray for you"

*"I don't even think of you as disabled"

Phrases like this imply that a disability makes a person less than, and that disability is bad. Negative, a problem to be fixed, rather than a normal, inevitable part of the human experience. Many people don't mean to even be insulting, most are just uneducated and a lot have good intentions however even well-meant comments and actions can take a serious toll on their recipients.

What can we do to recognize and avert ableism?

*Believe people when they disclose a disability 

*Similarly, don't accuse people of 'faking' their disability

*Listen to people when they request an accommodation

*Don't assume you know what someone needs  

*Never touch a person with a disability or their mobility equipment without their CONSENT

*Keep invasive questions to yourself

*Don't speak on behalf of someone with a disability unless they explicitly ask you to

*Talk about disability with children and young people 

*Incorporate accessibility into your event planning

*Learn more about being a good disability ally at this website #Allies

Thanks for taking your valuable time to sit here with me today and talk about this, while it's not talked about as much as it should be in much of today's media I am always looking for what others are missing, so I can inform you guys and we can continue growing a greater, loving tomorrow together. 

Take good care of yourselves and each other, until next time.

Cheers,

A 💕

Domestic Violence

   Hello Dear readers, and welcome or welcome back. Before I get going on today's topic I would just like to take a moment to recognize Martin Luther King Jr. and all he stood for. As we remember him today as a motivational speaker, a man who was ahead of his time, and someone who cared for the rights of others. I think it's remarkable how one person can spark such a wildfire in the lives of humans, so today let's honor him and remember him for the gentle kind loving person that he was. -- 

 Now with that being said today I would really like to focus on domestic violence. It is an epidemic within our society and it has only gotten worse, and worse as the years continue on. I myself am a victim of domestic violence, I have feared for my life multiple times, but there are ways out and there is help. First things first lets break it down and collect some knowledge on domestic violence.

do-mes-tic vi-o-lence

noun

violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. 

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of a behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class!. Victims of domestic violence may also include a child or other relative, or any other household member. Domestic violence is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim. Domestic violence can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated, and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic violence may culminate in serious physical injury or death to the victim or the abuser depending on the severity of the abuse, and the situation. 

Are You Being Abused?

Look over the following questions to think about how you are being treated and how you, yourself treat your partner.

Recognizing the signs of domestic violence:

Does your partner...

*Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?

*Put down your accomplishments? 

*Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?

*Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?

*Tell you that you are/would be nothing without them?

*Treat you roughly-- grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?

*Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?

*Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?

*Blame you for how they feel or act?

*Pressure you sexually for things you aren't ready for?

*Make you feel like there is "no way out" of the relationship?

*Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with friends or family?

*Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?

Do You...

*Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?

*Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior?

*Believe that you can help your partner change if only you can change something about yourself?

*Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner upset?

*Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?

*Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what would happen if you broke up?

If any of these things are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without help, the abuse WILL continue. Making that first step is hard, but rewarding. 

For Survivors

No one deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone. 

Contact the Critical Incident Stress Management Unit (CISMU) if you are concerned that you may be experiencing any form of abuse or are in fear for the safety of yourself or your children. If English is not your first language, you can request a language you feel more comfortable speaking when contacting CISMU. If you do not feel comfortable speaking on the phone with someone or you are in a situation where you can't there is the The National Domestic Violence Hotline, and you can speak to someone 24/7 seven days a week. Also the thing I like the most about this website is that at pressing the escape key at anytime puts you out of their webpage and back to Google, so in the case that your abuser walks in on you planning you're exit strategy you would easily have a way to make it look like you were just Googling something here is the web link :  https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/

For Abusive Partners 

If you recognize that you are mistreating your partner, there may be resources in your community to assist you to end the abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline has a number of resources that can assist while this is a US Hotline, the advice and information may be useful no matter where you live. Understand that domestic violence is not only against the United States code of conduct, but you may be subject to criminal prosecution under the law that is applicable. 

If you are surviving in an abusive relationship, or if you are the abuser get help. Talk to someone. No one is worth living your life suffocating in pain.. I know that in this moment you might be thinking that you're in love, but love doesn't look like any of the things we have discussed today. There will come someone that will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. 

Hopefully with this information I have been able to reach someone hurting, save someone from a painful relationship and allow someone to open their hearts to a new world of love, real love and possibilities. 

Blessings --

A

Emotional Intelligence

  Hello Dear Readers and welcome or welcome back, today I wanna focus on the topic of emotional intelligence and how we can either work on straightening our own or growing new skills to develop the techniques and tools to gain more emotional intelligence. With that being said let's jump back in!.

  Emotional Intelligence

e-mo-tion-al  in-tel-li-gence

noun

the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

 5 Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence

1. Become aware of and tune into your own emotions. 

one of the first, and perhaps most important steps, is to become more self aware, or to develop the ability to tune into your own emotions. Why? In order to control your emotions you must first be aware of them. Some pointers for becoming self aware include: monitoring your emotions by acknowledging them (a technique I really like is RAINN) knowing yourself is an essential life skill. Practicing mindfulness is also an excellent way to become more self aware and monitor your emotions, By being aware of your own emotions, you are better able to understand and become aware of the emotions of others.

2. Seek to understand the points of view of others. 

Once you have a good appraisal of your own emotions, seek to understand and empathize with others. This is particularly important in the workplace, on committees, or in a group setting where ideas are flowing and being exchanged. To do so, listen attentively, put yourself in another's place and try to imagine what they thinking and feeling and how they may have arrived at their conclusions. You will not only have a broader viewpoint yourself, you will be stretching your own perspective.

3. Communicate Effectively.

Communicating effectively requires both verbal and non-verbal skills. Communication is more than merely exchanging information. Effective communication is about understanding emotions, as well as the intentions behind the information exchanged. It is mutual back and forth that includes conveying a message in the way it is intended and, in turn, making sure it is received as intended.

Non-verbal skills include engage listening, making eye contact, being aware of body language (not standing too close, gestures, facial expressions, etc.)

4. Develop connections with people.

No matter how shy or introverted you think you are, learning to develop connections with others is a huge component of Emotional Intelligence. In fact, even if you are shy, you can begin first by listening, showing interest and making others feel comfortable. Doing so is sometimes easier for shy, introverted people (like myself) than it is for gregarious, extroverts who tend to enjoy speaking first. For both types, showing that you care and are interested in others goes far in building valuable connections.

5. Practice emotional management.

Once you are aware of both your own emotions and those of others, it is important to understand how to keep them and in check. Some ways of practicing emotional management include:

*Stopping to take time to process and understand what is transpiring 

*Diverting your attention until you are more composed - such as going for a walk, exercising, playing with a pet, breathing deeply or using RAINN

*Re-framing the experience, i.e. exploring a new, broader way of looking at the issue.

*Looking at the big picture and determining how important the immediate emotion/reaction is to the overall issue.

There are several ways you can begin to go about boosting, or improving your Emotional Intelligence. Doing so will not only enhance your opportunities for success in the workplace, it will benefit you in your personal and professional relationships. Ultimately, Emotional Intelligence entails understanding yourself and others, effectively interacting with others, and then using those skills to straighten your personal and professional relationships. I hope with this blog, I have been able to inform you of how to boost your own Emotional Intelligence, and reach for your goals this new year with the infinite potential I know that we all have. 

Take good care of yourselves and each other, 

until next time. 

Blessings,

-A