~°•Growing Boundaries •°~

   Hello dear reader's and welcome or welcome back to my blog  as I said in my latest post, I want to focus more on the things more personal to me or that I feel personal about; not that I haven't been writing about things I am not passionate about, because I am. I just have more I want to say a deeper surface level I'd like to slice through. I don't know about you, but I am so tired of how (excuse my language) fucking impersonal and fake most posts, blogs, articles, media in general I feel like it is all people catering to their audience and I don't no I won't be that influencer, or writer I won't tell you guys what I think you want to hear I will write truth I will write because writing is what helps me, and if my writing ends up helping you then I have accomplished what I sat out to do with this blog. 

   With that said let's get back to our journey of learning self-awareness, inner-strength, resilient training, healing confidence through integrative self-talk and mediation and most importantly gaining a tool box of coping skills that work for you and building a solid support system of safe people that you can count on when in a crisis. When you have all of these skills it makes it easier to step back into life after depression, anxiety and other mental ailments get you down, but when you have a set up a goal for yourself and you stick to it you can get through even the thickest fog. Today I want to help myself and you all with growing our boundaries and learning how to communicate openly and assertively without hostility what our expectations around those boundaries are: and making sure people in our lives respect those boundaries that we have set up to protect ourselves, so let's jump back into our self-healing journey shall we? 

             Enjoy Some Self-reflection

To successfully introduce and set boundaries, it's key to understand why they're each important to you and how they will benefit your emotional well-being. 

"Take some time to be a detective of your own psychology" suggests writer from PsychCentral (Baker). "So often stuff happens to people and they feel uncomfortable, but they're not sure why. The first step in having healthy boundaries in any situation is spending the time to explore what's happening to you."

             Start Small

If you don't have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming - so build them up slowly. 

Doing so allows you to take things at a more comfortable pace, and it provides time to reflect on whether it's heading in the right direction or if you need to make some tweaks. 

            Set Them Early

"Sometimes it can be really hard to start putting boundaries in, especially in pre-existing relationships," says Dr. Quinn-Cirillo. "If you can put in boundaries straight away, it's a lot easier to work with." 

By setting boundaries and expectations from the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand, and feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be lessened. 

            Be Consistent

Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you. 

Try keeping things consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established. 

         Create a Framework

Dr. Quinn-Cirillo notes that boundaries "vary depending on type of relationship." However, if you find it helpful, there's no reason not to have a few basics in place that can be adapted accordingly.

Consider getting an hour or two of alone time each weekend. This boundary could apply whether you live with a partner, have a busy social schedule with friends, or are close with family. 

       Fell Free to Add Extras

 In some aspects of our lives, there are boundaries already in place - such as in the workplace. But consider these the minimum. Colleagues will likely have some of their own in place, and it's okay for you to add some too.!

Doing so may even enhance your performance. Austrian researchers found that employees who introduced personal workplace boundaries felt more empowered. 

     Be Aware of Social Media

These platforms allow for more communication than ever, but they've also encouraged some considerable boundary blurring. 

"There's some incredible oversharing happening," Baker states, and research shows that over half of us are concerned that family and friends will post personal information or photos that we don't want shared publicly.

If you deem a particular action as boundary-crossing in real life, your concerns are no less valid when it occurs digitally. "You don't have to expose yourself to social media that's distressing you," she adds.

          Talk, Talk, Talk!

Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational. 

For example, if you have a friend who sends messages nonstop, Dr. Quinn-Cirillo suggests saying something along the lines of, "I can see you really wanted to get a hold of me, but the best thing to do is drop me a message, and I'll get back to you when I can." This gently highlights their behavior while simultaneously asserting your threshold. 

      Be YOUR Biggest Champion

For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself a bit love, notes Baker. "If you've got a narrative in your head that says you're worthless and underserving, then you're going to find it difficult to put boundaries in place that protect you,"  She says. "A lot of it comes down to self-worth and self-value." (Which we are working on together! this is just one of those uncomfortable steps we must take to get through the process and get to the other side.)

It doesn't take much to start encouraging this mindset either, adds Baker. The more you engage in activities "That release feel-good hormones, like singing, running, or whatever you want to do - things that feed your own heart - then that's going to help change your internal dialogue and make you feel more deserving." 

         Gain Some Perspective

Not having boundaries can be detrimental to our mental health, but going too far and over-thinking them can also impact our emotional well-being, reveals Dr. Quinn-Cirillo 

"Get a healthy level of thinking about boundaries," she says "Have some but don't be dictated by them. Sometimes you've just got to go with your gut instinct. We can't forget that we're actually quite good at navigating most things and are quite intuitive as human beings."

      Recognizing the Boundaries of Others

In addition to setting your own boundaries, it's important to appreciate those of others, too - even if they're different from your own. So how can you determine what they are? 

Frustratingly, "there's no magic science, " says Dr. Quinn-Cirillo, "If you're concerned or unsure, just ask." Fortunately, the conservation doesn't have to be awkward or confrontational. "Just general discussion helps," she continues. "Say something like, 'can I message you later?' or 'When is it good to message?' They help start to put a framework in place. 

It's also about using your common sense. If your partner hates using social media, there's a good chance they won't want those coupled-up selfies plastered across your Instagram or Facebook account. Or, if a friend says they don't want to see a particular movie, don't pester them until they cave in. 

Dr. Quinn-Cirillo reveals violating boundaries "can breed resentment and contempt, and cause people to withdraw." So there's no harm in taking a moment to think before you act.

            Let's Recap...

Boundaries are essential for various reasons and look different to everyone. You might be concerned that they will make you seem unfriendly or confrontational, but as this Inside Mental Health podcast from PsychCentral reveals, it is possible to maintain them without upsetting those you care about. 

Don't feel guilty about setting boundaries. They're (again) essential, and a form of self-care, and we actively look to incorporate other elements of this into our lives daily - from eating a balanced diet to exercising. This is no different!.

It might take some time and consideration to decipher the boundaries most important to you and the best ways to implement them, but your mental well-being will appreciate the effort in the long run. 

Setting boundaries is going to look different case, by case and it's not going to be overnight. Just be patient with yourself and remember why you're doing this work. Learning more about defining boundaries in your relationships, practicing consistency, and living with intention is all part of the work, some places you can reach out to for extra guidance on boundaries and how to get better with them are the following: 

*Inside Mental Health - What are Boundaries and Why Do They Matter? 

*Betterhelp

*Regain

*Teen Counseling 

*Pride Counseling 

I hope this post has been helpful for someone today, I know in life I have struggled with boundaries often, mostly because of my own naivety and my belief that most people are honest and good. Which in turn has made me set up a lot of protective boundaries as an adult, so if this is something you struggle with I get it I do, but once we grow our boundaries it really does help us feel so much more empowered and confident within ourselves. Until next time take good care of yourselves, and each other it's so important that we take care of each other and remember to lead with kindness right now, because there is not much kindness left to be had in this world. 

I am so grateful you decided to take your time, and spend it here with me today! Thank you, really. 

Cheers! 

Averi ❤